If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?

In the past couple of months, it seems I've lost the passion for what I want to do in life. I always had that drive to teach, but what happens when you keep looking for opportunities and don't find them? You stop trying; you stop looking for those opportunities. I lost myself in the process. I find it difficult to find my teaching mojo. I have moments here and there where I think I've found it. I just wish it was consistent.

Yesterday, I had a student and I seriously felt that she was a mirror image of myself. She's struggling to find her purpose in life and setting goals in her life just like myself. A part of me wants to start fresh with a new career where I can still work with the people I love working with--kids. Another part of me wants to keep trying in what I've already worked hard for. I guess it's now a matter of choosing and taking action.

I guess I should practice what I teach. Here are some of my goals:

1. Find what inspires me and rekindles the passion in me so that I may find that drive to teach or go back to school for whatever may lay ahead in the future.

2. Look at the world with a positive outlook so that I'm not down in the pits where it's dark and uninspiring.

3. Reconnect with friends who inspire me to live and laugh so that I may become the person I used to be and always will be--bubbly and happy.

A Sunday Kind of Love

I want a Sunday kind of love
A love to last past Saturday night
And I'd like to know it's more than love at first sight
And I want a Sunday kind of love
Oh yea yea

I want a a love that's on the square
Can't seem to find somebody
Someone to care
And I'm on a lonely road that leads to no where
I need a Sunday kind of love

I do my Sunday dreaming, Oh yea
And all my Sunday scheming
Every minute, every hour, every day

Oh I'm hoping to discover
A certain kind of lover
Who will show me the way

And my arms need someone
Someone to enfold
To keep me warm when Mondays and Tuesdays grow cold
Love for all my life to have and to hold
Oh and I want a Sunday kind of love
Oh yea yea yea

I don't want a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, or Thursday, Friday or Saturday
Oh nothing but Sunday oh yea
I want a Sunday Sunday
I want a Sunday kind of love
Oh yea
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday kind of loooove

Call me idealistic all you want, but I want this kind of love. I know what I deserve and how to be love. A love that's just perfect; by perfect I don't mean a fairy tale. I'm talking about being in love with my best friend-- someone who I can talk to, share a laugh with, go through the best of times and the worst of times, someone who still wants to be with me even if I'm a slightly cracked egg. I want a love that isn't just love at first sight. A love that lasts past Saturday. A Sunday kind of love...

.

When I was young...

I realize I still deal with hardships in my life the same way when I was a little girl. When I was young, I had three best friends; our parents were friends also, so we spent almost every weekend together. When we were on break from school, we almost spent every second of our lives together. We laughed at each other and with each other. We sang with each other; we sang along with the Spice Girls. We'd play games with each other. Needless to say, spending every waking moment with each other did drive us all bananas and annoyed with each other. I remember the times when I'd get so mad at my best friends for some frivolous reason and I'd run into my room and slam that door shut. One time I did that, I actually got myself stuck inside when I was ready to come out; the door couldn't open because of the rug that was caught in the door. I could hear my friends telling me to come out and apologizing and just attempting anything to make me open up that door and let them in. Well that one time, I was ready to come out and I was stuck. Today, it seems like I've ran into that bedroom door, closed it, and now there's a rug caught there.

Saturday in the Park...

No, no, no....I won't start singing Chicago. :) Today was a busy day. Woke up at 6ish, picked up the midgets and their little friends to go eat breakfast in the park for their birthday. Sadly... breakfast in the park was not so amazing. There was fog, ducks, and old antique dolls watching us eat our not so appealing to the taste buds food. This, my friend, is definitely a scene from a horror movie. After breakfast, we stopped by Barnes and I let them pick books to buy; one of the expenses I love to advocate. :) After that, I had to go to work; sadly, I couldn't finish my day with them. Get to work and what do you know, I didn't need to work. Silly me! I caught up with midgets at the bowling alley. By the way, I suck when I'm not confident about getting strikes. I think bowling isn't just something you can learn and be skillful at; I think you just gotta believe and go for it. When I went for it, I got a strike. woot woot!!! My Saturday didn't stop there; I'll try not to bore you. I came to church and set up for C-II retreat, and then Michelle invited me to join her at the Block along with Maivy. Now this is where the fun happens....

Ate food

Went to Borders and found soooo much stuff I wanted-figures right? I found two games from the creators of Bananagrams, not gonna lie..it's the same concept but new words to yell out and I found myself giggling and perhaps drooling over these games. They're called "Appletters" and "Pairs in a Pear" and I guess you may have guessed that the tiles come in an apple and a pear. :) OH and then right before I leave, I find Sudoku for 2 bucks, but it wasn't Sudoku, it was WORDOKU!!! Holy moses, I found this just amazing and bought it even though I couldn't figure out at first how it was played. Line was long to pay and so I started learning how to play. My friends, you are looking at a Wordoku prodigy!!! :) Great talks with the gals, fun ride with Maivy. Especially when she accidentally honked at a couple snogging...yes I just used snogging (Happy Steve?) . Then, when she made a turn she ended up driving in the center divider lane... I think that's what it's called... for maybe a minute. Good times good times...

And now... it's time to say Auf Wiedersehen to Saturday. Tomorrow is the retreat, I'm excited to meet my family and get to know them. OOoOOoOOoo!!!

Sleep The Clock Around

Woke up this morning just an hour ago. For the first time in a long time, I've slept in. I turned on Pandora and this song came up. Belle and Sebastian always seems to have a song that puts a smile on my face. It's a sign that summer is near, time to make a new mix to listen to while enjoying a bike ride, a walk, or simply lying around in the sun.

Sleep The Clock Around

And the moment will come when composure returns
Put a face on the world, turn your back to the wall
And you walk twenty yards with your head in the air
Down the Liberty Hill, where the fashion brigade
Look with curious eyes on your raggedy way
And for once in your life you've got nothing to say
And could this be the time when somebody will come
To say, "Look at yourself, you're not much use to anyone"

Take a walk in the park, take a valium pill
Read the letter you got from the memory girl
But it takes more than this to make sense of the day
Yeah, it takes more than milk to get rid of the taste
And you trusted to this, and you trusted to that
And when you saw it all come, it was waving the flag
Of the United States of Calamity, hey!
After all that you've done, boy, I know you're going to pay

In the morning you come to the ladies salon
To get all fitted out for The Paperback Throne
But the people are living far away from the place
Where you wanted to help, it's a bit of a waste
And the puzzle will last until somebody will say
"There's a lot to be done while your head is still young"
If you put down your pen, leave your worries behind
Then the moment will come, and the memory will shine

Now the trouble is over, everybody got paid
Everybody is happy, they are glad that they came
Then you go to the place where you've finally found
You can look at yourself, sleep the clock around

And so it goes...

Halfway through the first book of LOTR trilogy, I realize there were more than one book in each of the trilogy. What happens next? I gave up reading "Fellowship of the Ring" It's just not the right time or place to read such a complex trilogy. But...since then, I've read "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. Loved the book because it was simply written through many characters' perspectives. Humorous, thought-provoking, a great insight into what may have been of the past.

I've also finished yet another book from the Sookie Stackhouse series, not as great as the ones that have come before it, but I just have to keep reading to find out what happens to all the characters. :sighs:

After that, I read "The Penelopiad: The Myth of Penelope and Odysseus" Great novel. Kudos to Margaret Atwood for getting me thinking about other sides of the story. Too bad Homer could never get me past page two of "The Odyssey" or "The Illiad"

Lets see... I also read "The Importance of Being Ernest" by Oscar Wilde. I freaking love this play, it was like reading a script to a comedy sitcom. I could not help but crack up aloud as I read this. It takes place during the Victorian Era. Please read it so I can refer back to "Bunburying" :)

And finally...I know it's scary that I come back and ramble on about sooo many books that I've finished reading... but the last one, at the moment... :drumrolls: HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE!!!! Currently reading it and so far loving it! I've only seen the beginning of the movie, so I had no idea what's supposed to happen, but man I love all the detail, the characters, the imagery. I have to say... Diana Wynne Jones may be one of my favorite authors. :)

P.S. For fear of finishing Howl's... I actually stopped by the library and picked up the sequel. Should I slow down on this Castle Series? Or speed through it and just reread it one day! AAAAAaaaaah!!!

Sleeping patterns...

My attempt to fix my sleeping patterns have worked. I've been getting into bed by 10, I read for maybe half an hour and then I'm sleeping. Wake up at 7:30 and workout for half an hour and sometimes more. hahaha..

Still reading "The Fellowship of the Ring" and so far I enjoy it. Yes I saw the movies already and now when I meet the characters in the books... I imagine how the look and talk just like in the movies. Kinda weird to hear all these voices come alive in my head. Or am I going crazy? Hmmm....

Will keep updating as I continue my journey with Frodo, Pippin, and Sam. :)